I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
