im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
