you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
