WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
