Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
