ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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