your room smells of hookers.
And success
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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