i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
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My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
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Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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