Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
