just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
