Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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