When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
