i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
