sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
