From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
