i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I need moral support for this bender
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
