Pass out mid-funnel last night.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
