now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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