So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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