If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
