Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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