How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
