I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
