Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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