Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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