I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
