i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize