please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
