Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
