..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
