I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
