She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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