You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
