I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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