It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
