How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
