she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
