marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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