Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
