my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
