Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
