i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
