His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
