blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
