yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
