I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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