You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
