I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
