i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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