I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
