i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
