Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
