Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
