It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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