My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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