This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
