Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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