Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
This house was built for laser tag.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
