Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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