Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
