just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she told me i tasted like america
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
