saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
