good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
