there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
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He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
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Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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