Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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