Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
