He disabled his match.com account in front of me
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
