It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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