Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
